Monday, May 08, 2006

Sizemore, Swisher, Sexson, and Sucky Seattle

Thanks to MSB, I spent a while today reading up on the Grady Sizemore fandom. I mean, yeah, sure, I think he's a really cute guy, but I really had no idea how crazy it had gotten. Though, to be fair, the Sizemore chicks are actually pretty amusing in their own right. Both of these are fairly graphics-intense (is it typical to make sites these days to use graphics for your text?) but Grady's Ladies has a really funny biography section about him, and the Sizemore Girls are a smaller but also dedicated group. It's totally out of control! Also, they make me feel old.

Another article about Grady's Ladies makes me wonder if I'd actually be more annoyed than amused by them if I was actually sitting near them in the stadium. On the other hand, this article about them is pretty funny -- mentioning that the team apparently asked Grady's mother whether it was okay to make the "Mrs. Sizemore" t-shirts, and then she was one of the first people to buy one. I think that's sort of cool. Also, Aaron Boone and the rest of the team apparently finds it a good diversion to make fun of Grady about his fortuitous female fanclub.

A profile of Grady made me look up why the hell people call Travis Hafner "Pronk", too. That's pretty funny. He does look sort of like a donkey.

On the subject of really cute outfielders that totally kick ass, when I was filling out a few All-Star ballots at the game the other day, I noticed that Nick Swisher wasn't on the ballot, and I wrote him in on every ballot I filled out as a write-in AL outfielder. Realizing that I couldn't possibly be the only person who noticed how completely awesome he's been so far this year (he's on my fantasy team; of course I'd notice), I visited Athletics Nation to see what was up, and sure enough, they have a thread about it too. I know write-ins never really get elected, but I at least plan to Vote Early, Vote Often, Vote Swisher.

There's some other fun stories about Swisher out there, too. I liked this article about what a goofball he is (cmon, Swish, an Asiago cheese bagel followed by a strawberry one? Eewwwww) and this article about his family and stuff.

Anyway, in visiting AN, I also got to read a really awesome interview with Mychael Urban where he addresses all sorts of A's stuff in a fun and informative way, found out about a random '74 Oakland A's gag on the Simpsons the other night, and saw the latest ANtics, which deals with Barry Zito's hair. "Get it cut or you're OFF THE TEAM, Saarloos!"

For the Moneyball lovers, Jeremy Brown is expected to get called up to replace Jason Kendall during his suspension. Also in wacky Sacramento news, Keith Ginter ended up pitching for two innings in a game the other day. How often do you see "2B-P" on a box score?

Oh, right, the Mariners, I should be talking about them a bit too, right? Well, they won tonight, 6-3, but on the other hand, it was against the Devil Rays, who are also the bottom-feeders of their division. And still, the Mariners couldn't get any runs through until their bullpen imploded, although watching the Gameday app as I packed boxes, it sounded like Chad Orvella suffered a mild case of Steve Blass Syndrome and wasn't doing so well at the whole throwing strikes thing for a bit there. And Eddie pitched the 8th and Putz the 9th, which was good; I think we should temporarily rename him to "K. K. Putz" instead of J.J. Still, hey, it's a win, and I'll take it. Tomorrow with Felix facing off against a weaker lineup and a pitcher like Dorky Doug Waechter, we might almost have a shot at taking the series, y'know? I'll be at the game, anyway, voting for Felix, or something.

Anyway, the thing is, I haven't updated the Weight Watchers gag for a while, and I'm glad to note that most of the team has done very well in the program. Of all the guys with more than 100 AB, only Richie Sexson is still in Weight Watchers. Even Beltre bats in at .221 with a listed weight of 220. But poor Richie, down at .190/.272/.331 -- ouch! Seriously, aside from Lopez, Ibanez, and Johjima, it's hard to be optimistic about anyone's bats lately. The heart of our order is like a black hole where rallies go to die, and that just isn't good.

Interleague play has started in Japan. Through some scheduling miracle, the 2005 Japan Series is being relived at Koshien this week as the Lotte Marines face off against the Hanshin Tigers; tonight it appears that Lotte's Kevin Beirne takes the mound against Hanshin's Chris Oxspring, neither of whom were actually on those respective teams last fall. At the other end of the spectrum, the CL bottom-dwelling Yokohama Bay Stars face off against the PL bottom-dwelling Rakuten Golden Eagles. Gosh, it's just like the Mariners playing the Devil Rays, eh?

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