Wednesday, March 14, 2007

2007 Mariners Commercials

Well, among other things (such that today is Pi Day!), the Mariners also have their 2007 commercials up on the official site. Check them out:

Mariners 2007 Commercials

Overall, these are better than the 2005 ones -- anything would beat the Lame Shopping Network -- but compared to the ones in the past, they're not that outstanding, and they're probably a shade worse than last year's, but I'm mostly only saying that because none of them are better than the Legend of Big Richie.

So, a brief summary in the order I liked them, worst to best:

7. Map
This one mostly features the Mariner Moose having a flashback to when he was a "kid". It's pretty dumb. Also features Miguel Batista, Jose Vidro, John McLaren and a map. Yawn.

6. Rauuuuuul
So this one shows a bunch of people going through their work days with a big U painted on them, before embarking on their evenings at Safeco Field as part of a "RAUUUUUL" line. However, I've never really been a fan of people with letters painted on their bodies, plus I think this commercial will actually look pretty dumb on TV if you don't already know what it is.

4.5. Serious Heat
4.5. Working the Zone
These two are about equivalent to me. In "Serious Heat", Rene Rivera and an umpire put on welding masks to deal with Felix's Flaming Fastball. Highlight of commercial is Felix saying "Muy caliente!" In "Working the Zone", JJ Putz is showing off the accuracy of some pitcher to Chris Reitsma, only it turns out the "pitcher" is actually Ichiro throwing the ball in from right field. Highlight of commercial is Ichiro saying "Just a bit outside". Also, high socks.

3. Thinking Man's Game
Also known as "Deep Thoughts by JJ Putz", he shoulders the load of being the star of TWO commercials this season, as this one features him and George Sherrill sitting around in the bullpen. It's mostly funny if you already think JJ is sort of dumb. In all honesty, though, it was much funnier ten years ago when they did "A thinking team is a winning team."

2. Rosin Bag
J-Rod the Washburninator isn't the world's greatest actor or anything, but I think the idea behind this one is pretty funny -- Washburn's basically turned the rosin bag into a man-purse, so he's got nail clippers in there for Johjima, sun glare smudge for Bloomquist, and even family photos and his cellphone. I have a feeling this commercial will mostly go forgotten until some opportune time during the season when J-Rod's having a bad game, and someone yells "Hey, did you leave your glasses in your rosin bag, Washburn?"

1. Double Play Twins
This was the only one to make me laugh out loud, and thus win the Marinerds Seal of Approval as The Best Commercial of the 2007 Batch. Jose Lopez and Yuniesky Betancourt star as the "double play twins", basically to a tune that's somewhere between The Turtles' "So Happy Together" and the Doublemint Gum commercial theme:
You're seeing double, yes -- it's true.
See what the Double Play Twins can do.
Watch 'em throw, watch 'em catch,
Jose and Yuni, what a match!
The double play, double play, Double Play Twins!
They play games together, brush teeth together, play the accordion together (!?), and even ride a tandem bike across the field wearing the same ridiculous outfit, at which point they see Adrian Beltre, ask "Too much?" and he just gives them a look of "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY RETARDED."

It's pretty overboard, but in a good way.

You know what I miss? Silly Jamie Moyer commercials. Or maybe I just miss Jamie Moyer. I'm not sure which.

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