2006 Mariners Commercials and Stuff

First, let me say that I'm really saddened to see that Japan lost to Korea in the WBC game today. I watched for a bit, but left to play volleyball during the 5th inning while it was still 0-0. Watanabe looked great, much better than he did last time he pitched. Thing is, for Japan to advance at this point, the US has to lose to Mexico and give up more than 2 runs... with Roger Clemens on the mound. Bleh. It's just not going to happen. I'm really hating those umpires from the Japan-US game.

Anyway, I watched the new Mariners commercials, as mentioned in the last post, and let me just sort of summarize them, in the order I enjoyed them, worst to best:

6. The Great Wall of Adrian
An exaggeration of Beltre's ability at 3rd, with him getting more and more ridiculous until he's basically sitting on a wall. I think it's dorky along the same lines of that Bret Boone one from two years ago.

5. Tribute (Jamie Moyer)
This one features a historical perspective on Jamie Moyer's "illustrious" career, which apparently started in 1926. It's a cute idea, but a disturbing picture of Moyer with big 70's hair.

4. Kollectors (King Felix)
In this commerical, Mariners fans are acquiring K's from all over -- movie theaters, the Pike Place Market, etc. I thought this one was nicely directed and I like the idea behind it - I would have liked to see them steal the K from a Seahawks sign somewhere, though I guess that'd be taboo.

3. Epidemic (Ichiro)
This one features a whole bunch of people in various professions doing the Ichiro sleeve tug as they're doing their jobs. It's also really nicely directed, and I think people will appreciate it when they see it on TV.

2. Talk To The Glove (various)
This is in theory supposed to be the silly one involving the whole team, and it IS pretty silly -- it has various Mariners guys going various places but always talking into their glove if they talk at all, like getting in a taxi, ordering fast food, etc. It's cute.

1. The Legend of Big Richie (Sexson)
And this, my friends, wins the Marinerds Seal of Approval as The Best Commercial of the 2006 Batch. This is so incredibly awesome that I almost wish I'd thought of it myself. It's basically this folk song about Richie Sexson, hugely exaggerated, with him interjecting the truths behind the myths as a folk song choruses behind him, "Big Richieeeeee". Infact, I liked it so much I'm going to transcribe the lyrics here. Richie's words are in italics:

He wears a ten foot glove to field the ball
And stands a full forty oxen tall
Actually, I'm 6'8".
(Big Richie!)

He throws a semi truck across the street
He wrestles bears and eats raw meat
Uh, they're sunflower seeds.
(Big Richie!)

He swam the Nile
With a crocodile
And he hits that ball...
[SMACK!]
A country mile.
As a matter of fact... I do!
(Big Richie! Big Richie!)

So, yeah. An improvement over the Lame Shopping Network, I'll grant, but I think there's some wasted potential here. Ah well.

I have to wonder if they'll use the Legend of Big Richie song at any time as stadium music, though. I bet Sexson would kill them if they made it his at-bat song.