Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hanshin Tigers Fans Conspire to Throw Glico Man Into The Dotonbori River

OSAKA, JAPAN -- Some thought that finding the Colonel Sanders statue was going to help Hanshin capture another Japan Series pennant.

However, a majority of Tigers fans disagree.

"I think he should have stayed buried at the bottom of the river," claimed one man, who thought the sight of the Colonel with no hands was "a travesty".

"The Boston Red Sox were able to win a World Series title without having to dig up Babe Ruth. Why should the Tigers be any different?"

Several fans have declared that the only way to rectify this wrong is to bury a new icon at the bottom of the Dotonbori river. As KFC restaurants in the Kansai region enacted a rule saying that no KFC restaurant can display a Colonel Sanders statue outside the store or without being properly bolted down within the store, Tigers fans would have a difficult time replacing the legendary entrepreneur.

Randy Bass, now comfortably in his second term as an Oklahoma senator, was not available for comment, but it is assumed he has no desire to be thrown into the river himself.

Thus it has been rumored that the only possible substitute for the Colonel would be another famous Dotonbori icon, Glico Man.

"If you squint," said one Hanshin fan, "Glico Man does look an awful lot like Kevin Mench."

Nobody is quite certain how the Hanshin fans will manage to dismantle Glico Man from his current position, but if there is one thing that has been established over the years, it is that one should never underestimate the potential power created by combining Hanshin fans with large amounts of alcohol.

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