Wheel Of Twins

Twins at Mariners. Mariners 2, Twins 11.

KENJI JOHJIMA
Okay, let's play the game! We start with last week's loser... Mr. Jeff Weaver. Are you ready, Weaver?

JEFF WEAVER
I sure am, Kenji!

KENJI JOHJIMA
Okay, then you get over there on the mound and pitch to the Wheel of Twins! Go ahead, give it a spin!

[audience boos as the Twins lineup keeps going around and around and around, hitting singles and bunting and running wild around the bases. The action pauses with Justin Morneau at the plate and runners on second and third.]

KENJI JOHJIMA
A big lefty-hitting Canadian slugger! Very tasty! Okay, Weaver, now listen carefully...

You can either face your Canadian slugger, or you can go for what's taking practice swings in the on-deck circle right now! What's it gonna be?

[Weaver stands there thinking for a minute. Morneau takes a few practice swings outside the batter's box. Torii Hunter takes a few practice swings from the on-deck circle. The audience yells out lots of random things, like "Walk the Canadian!" and "Weaver, you SUCK!" Weaver looks back and forth between the plate and the on-deck circle.]

JEFF WEAVER
I... I'll take the circle!

KENJI JOHJIMA
Okay, Weaver, you took the circle! Let's see what's in the circle...

[Weaver intentionally walks Morneau, loading the bases. Torii Hunter comes to the plate, and after getting a few strikes on the outside corners, Weaver leaves a pitch hanging over the plate, which Hunter CRUSHES and sends into the Twins bullpen in left field.]

KENJI JOHJIMA
...IT'S A GRAND SALAMI!!! STUPID!!!! YOU SO STUPID!!!!!!


(In case the parody isn't obvious immediately, see here.)