Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Dodgers and Dragons, Part 1: The Cupcakes Curse

I have pictures and game notes and all kinds of stuff from going to Safeco Field tonight, but I had a silly idea on the bus ride home for a new kind of "fantasy baseball", so I'm writing that now. Serious report will come later/tomorrow.

Athletics at Mariners. Mariners 8, Athletics 4.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," said Willie as he sat down at the end of the table.

"Did you at least remember to bring the chips and Dew?" Richie said.

Willie's face fell. "Crap," he replied. "I knew there was something I forgot... at least I remembered my character sheet."

Grover nodded. "No big deal, dude, it just means we're not going to include you in today's adventure."


Yuniesky waved. "Sorry, I've got better skill checks than you do anyway, so I'm playing instead."

Jarrod laughed. "That's okay, Felix is sitting today's session out too, he's out of spells after blowing up a Harenculus with a couple fireballs."

Grover gathered up his notes behind the GM shield and started reading. "Okay... so, you are all journeying across a grassy field at the bottom of a valley. You can hear a low roar surrounding you, and in the distance you see several green and gold humanoid figures lurking in the shadows, wielding wooden clubs. Roll initiative."

Jarrod smiled. "Awesome, I go first. Washburn The Wise casts Bless on several spheres and hurls them at the enemies."

"Roll to hit."

He rolled a 2. "Crap! Goddamnit these dice suck, where the hell did they come from?"

"I think Gil forgot to take them when he left the campaign," said Willie.

"Well, uh, that's not helping, Ichiro, can your wizard do something?"

"What's going on? An aerial attack against us?" Ichiro looked through his character sheet. "I cast Shield."

Grover applauded. "You prevent the volley of flyballs from hitting the party. Good thinking."

Ichiro grinned. "Then I also cast Magic Missile and return their fire back upon their plate!"

Richie whined. "Is it my turn to attack yet? Sexson Stormblade wants to MASH!"

Grover said, "Yeah, but a more formidable foe has entered the fray."


"It's a large beastly creature, swathed in dark green and gold robes, with a massive torso and fierce eyes glinting out from above a goatee."

"OH MY GOD," said Jose. "Guillen the Barbarian has seen this abomination before. Can it be..."

"No way," replied Yuniesky. "There's no way anyone would make a party fight one of these in only their second session."

Grover cackled. "Oh ho, that's what YOU think. The beast approaching your group is none other than the evil demon CUPCAKES, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!"

"ARGGHHH." Willie grimaced. "This is the monster that totally wiped out our last party. We couldn't dispel the curse it put on us."

Jose nodded. "I've seen this thing completely devour characters in three rounds! They barely even have a chance to react! It's inhuman!"

"I don't know what you're all afraid of," said Richie. "Now that I levelled up in the offseason I can use my new warrior skill to defeat it."

"Your what?"

"It's called Funk Blast. I basically take a penalty to my to-hit roll and automatically do full damage if I actually get a hit when I swing."

"Whoa. Awesome."

"Sweeeeet! Let's try it."

"We NEED the funk!"

Grover looked over his notes. "Sure, go ahead. Just make sure you don't roll a 1 or you'll break your club."

Richie took a deep breath and threw the d20 on the table. The icosahedron rolled around as everyone watched, and it finally landed on a 17. "YESSSSS," Richie pumped his fist. "Wait, what do I need to roll to get a hit off this guy anyway?"

"Uh, that'll hit," said Grover. "You've really wounded it. But in the meantime, the rest of its henchmen are still attacking Jarrod's cleric over there."

"Oh shit," said Jarrod, "I guess I go into a full defensive stance until the rest of the party can bail me out."

"Sure, I think we can hold off the henchmen for a while," said Jose thoughtfully. "What's your status like?"

Grover rolled a few dice. "Actually, Washburn the Wise just got bashed in the head by Milton of Bradley and fell over unconscious. Let me get you a replacement character." He shuffled around some papers. "Here's Julio the Horrible, try playing him for a bit."

After several rounds of battling against the Cupcakes demon and scoring some lucky hits, the party finally managed to tire it out, and it retreated, leaving a Kikobold slave behind to cover its exit.

"Wow, you guys are doing really impressive today," said Willie. "I just WISH MY CHARACTER WAS THERE TOO."

"Well, you're not, so shut up," said Richie.

"Hmmm, these should be a lot easier to finish off," said Jose. "I'll go around to the side so you get a +2 flanking bonus, okay, Yuni?"

"Gotcha," Yuniesky replied. "Can I sneak attack it too, then?"

"If you're flanking, yeah," said Grover. "Roll it."

Yuni threw the die.

"A NATURAL 20!!!" the entire party exclaimed.

"Dang," Grover said. "With the critical damage and your sneak attack damage, that adds up to... oh, screw it, I don't feel like doing the math. Fine, you've defeated the Gelatinous A's. Good job."

"Do we level?" said Jarrod.

"No, not yet," replied Grover. "This adventure arc isn't over. Next session I'm going to have you all infiltrate the castle of King Richard the Brokenharden."

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