Blant-owned

Athletics 2, Mariners 0

I've been trying to figure out why Joe "Cupcakes" Blanton has become Joe "Cake Walk" Blanton whenever he encounters the Mariners this year, and I just don't really get it. My best guess is that he's covered in an anti-Nintendo aura, and thus can repel the bats of our Nintendo-associated franchise. Swisher claims that they have "three Xbox 360s, a regular Xbox and a PS2" at their house ("they" being Blanton, Swisher, Harden and Huston), with no mention of a Nintendo Gamecube. Now, c'mon, how can four bachelors in a house full of videogames NOT have a Gamecube unless they're cultivating an anti-Nintendo aura in the place? Most of the best party games in the last few years have been 4-player Gamecube games -- Mario Kart, Super Smash Brothers Melee, Super Monkey Ball, etc. Heck, with two out of the four being Moneyball draftees, you'd have to think they'd be into Monkeyball, wouldn't you?

I think what we need to do is figure out where they live and order a few Nintendo DS Lites for the guys, along with a couple super-addictive games. Next thing you know, they'll all be on the DL with sore necks from looking down at the DS screens while playing networked Meteos and Advance Wars. Great plan, isn't it?

I missed most of the game tonight because it was over so quickly. That's the other odd thing about Blanton: not only does he own the Mariners, he does it fast. His three starts against them this year have lasted times of 2:36, 2:28, and today's 2:06, which if you combine them gives you around 7 hours, or the average time for one Gil Meche start. I was out running errands and didn't expect the game to be over at 9:15 when I got home.

As I was driving down the highway listening to the game on the radio, I heard this gem, though: "And now we've got Jason Kendall up to bat. Kendall's just an impossible guy to strike out. He really chokes up on the bat, doesn't have a powerful swing, he just slaps the ball all over the place. There he goes, fouls off the next pitch. Yeah, Kendall doesn't hit home runs, but what an incredible master he is of the strike zone, you know? And the 0-2 pitch... he watches it go by! On the outside corner for called strike three! Jason Kendall has just struck out!"