Monday, December 18, 2006

Yule Laugh! Yule Cry! Yule Sing! Part 4

(Parts 1-3 were done last year. I'll go add a tag to all four of them.)

Yule Laugh
I'm sure there are plenty of good candidates here -- like Santa Pronk -- but I'd probably still list this year's appearance of Phanta Claus, or any of the other holiday events the Phillies have been doing, which are fun to read about. Makes me sort of sad I won't be in Philly until the 27th or so. There's also a great article with Cole Hamels, who admits that he unwraps his video games way before Christmas.

Yule Cry
To be fair, the only offseason move that actually made me shed tears was Michihiro Ogasawara's clean-shaven doppleganger signing with the Yomiuri Giants. But our beloved crazy Aussie outfielder Christopher "Doyle" Snelling getting traded away from the Mariners, despite the trade currently being on hold pending a Vidro physical, is still pretty sad. I went to the Mariners Team Store on Saturday, by the way, and they have player-issued jerseys from the 2005 season on sale for $60 -- so you can get a wide assortment of nice ex-Mariner jerseys like a Madritch #56, a Borders #37, a Nageotte #37, Thornton #53, and so on. Unfortunately, all the Snelling jerseys they have are "on sale" for $199. The store clerk told me that it was because those were 2006 used jerseys, not 2005. Bleh. I decided not to buy one, though the Uncle Rico one actually fit me fairly well.

Yule Sing
I'd been tossing this song idea around in my head for the last week or so. It's sort of ubiquitous rather than being keyed to just one team:

Stove League
(to the tune of "Sleigh Ride" by Leroy Anderson)
(New lyrics by Deanna "Marinerd" Rubin)

Just hear those cellphones beeping
As trades are cheapening too.
And all the press is fussin'
In a stove league discussion with you.
Online the fans are whining
As Theo's signing up Drew.
And all the scouts are gushin'
In a stove league discussion with you.

Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, let's go
It's all a big show
We're giving them these contracts full of dough.
Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, it's lame
Just playing the game.
We're finding a twit who can hit
So the fans recognize his name.

Our roster's full of losers
And beggar-choosers are we.
The 40-man is frozen
with the players we chose in '03.
And when we're feeling braver
We'll try to waiver 'em through.
There's just no sense in rushin'
In a stove league discussion with you.

There's a Krivsky mimic by the name of Flanagan
Signing ancient arms to bolster up the pen again.
Seems the Mariners, Reds, and Orioles will see the biggest flop
At the ticket booths when they watch attendance drop. Plop plop plop.

There's a perfect roster nothing in the world can buy
So we'll trade our soul for someone like Morneau or Dye.
It'll nearly be like a deal pulled off by Bowden or by Beane.
This wonderful plot's what we've got
when the seasons are in-between!

Just hear those cashbags jinglin',
Agents mingling through.
They'll get a deal for Lilly
That'll make you look sillier too.
You should consult a sponsor
If you're choosing Bonds or Alou.
But every batter's crushin'
In a stove league discussion with you.

Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, let's go
These choices all blow.
We're looking for a catcher who can throw.
Sign 'em up, sign 'em up, sign 'em up, who cares
If we have young players
We'll balance our team with the theme
getting Thomas and Zaun and Stairs!

Our lineup's big on hitters
But not on splitters or curves.
We'll sign a Mirabelli
And he'll catch the hell he deserves.
So now it's time to park it
'Cause this bidding market's a zoo.
There's just no use in thinkin' when
Strike zone's shrinkin' and
Fastball's sinkin' and
Deals are stinkin' when
GM's winkin' and
stove league drinkin' with you.

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