Jim Tracy: Ahoy, mateys, ye might be wonderin' why I've called me fine crew together today!
Jack Wilson: Dude, we just swept the Mets.
Zach Duke: I rule, don't I?
Chris Duffy: I rule too! [high-fives]
Xavier Nady: WHY GOD, OH GOD, WHYYYYY? [breaks down in tears]
Jim Tracy: Avast, ye're all missin' th' point, men. Hear ye, we be about t'begin a three-battle melee with them scurvy dogs of th'western coast.
Ryan Doumit: No problem, chief, we can take them.
Ian Snell: Yeah, it's no big deal. I'll shut 'em down for the first couple of innings tonight and then Torres over there'll slam the door on them. Easy cheesy.
Jim Tracy: Yarrrr, but they be wily curs, full of deceit an' ready t'launch a grapeshot attack 'tany moment. Beware ye their late-inning blasts! 'Twere just Sunday they launched four back-t'back volleys over th'fence. Ye kinnae sink 'em that easy, lads!
Jason Bay: He's got a point. I've got no problem hitting four home runs myself, but I think some of the rest of you are going to have to step up for this thing to work.
Freddy Sanchez: Jay, you know we're not capable of hitting like you are. How about we just try to string together four back-to-back singles a couple of times? A wise man once pointed out that four singles in an inning equals a run.
Chris Duffy: Yo, I am the KING of singles.
Freddy Sanchez: Word.
Jason Bay: Uh, that works. You guys go man the bases and hoist the bats or whatever and I'll go drive in some runs.
Chris Duffy: I can't believe you just said "hoist the bats".