Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Postseason, Dr. Seuss style

Dear Random House,

I think that you should produce a children's book about the baseball postseason. Since I know it would take a very long time to write an entire book from scratch, I have helpfully assembled some proposed changes to your book, Fox in Socks, which would make it more topical for this October.

Yours truly,
Deanna the Marinerd





Sox on Fox.

Knocks in Box.

Foxy Sox hit knocks in box. Knocks in box put Sox on Fox.

Brats with hats come.
Brats with bats come.
Brats with hats and bats and stats come.

Look sir, look sir, Mister Vlad, sir,
Won't you sign my ball and bat, sir?
Won't you sign my glove and hat, sir?
Why're you being such a prat, sir?

Byrd throws curve balls.
Byrd throws dirt balls.
Byrd throws third balls.
Ump's absurd calls.
Byrd's earned runs falls.

Scot Shields fields wheels.
Scot Shields yields steals.
Scot Shields wields schpiels.

Here's an easy game to play!
Here's an easy thing to say:

If Podsednik is a redneck who should be in Triple A
And Pierzynski's got a hist'ry disregarding rules of play
And Ozuna's like a tuna who is flopping in the air
And Konerko is a jerko who's got really stupid hair

But ol' Finley's rather thinly getting to the warning track
And Cabrera's got his share a' throwing over Erstad's back
And that Garrett's like a parrot as he's flapping off his beak
And Molina's a hyena as he tags you in the cheek,

We're not rooting for Chicago! But we hate the Angels too!
When you're faced with lousy choices, what's a baseball fan to do?
Let's ignore the whole caboodle, let's go out and have a beer,
And just hope and pray the Mariners can win it all next year.

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