GREATEST GAME EVER

Dear Kazuhiro Hatakeyama:

Look, here's the deal. Apparently, the more I rant about how much you suck and I hate you, the better you do. So let me tell you that when you hit that 2-run homer in the 6th that made it 4-3, still in favor of Gomiuri, that you are going to be directly responsible for several thousand stomachaches when people go redeem those "double arch" coupons for free Big Macs next week, since you and Rami-chan both managed to slam one out. And do NOT get me started on how totally lame you are for DARING to hit a game-tying two-out RBI single off Marc Kroon in the top of the 9th. Jesus. If only you weren't on the Swallows, they wouldn't have won today's game, or last Saturday's game against the Dragons either. What the hell were you THINKING?

Oh, I know. You were thinking, "Next time I come up to bat I'm going to hit a go-ahead 3-run homer to win the game for us."

Well, guess what -- you're so lame that RYOHEI FREAKING KAWAMOTO beat you to it in the top of the 10th. Ryohei Kawamoto. You know, the guy who hasn't hit a home run since April, although one must admit he certainly has a flair for the dramatic.

Though if you really wanted to not be lame, you could thank Hisayoshi Chono for being nice enough to strike out 4 times today, including with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th. Matsuoka certainly appreciated it.

Anyway, I must admit that even though the Giants were even lamer than you are for not allowing a nice post-game joint hero interview between Kawamoto, who is the obvious game hero, and you, who were obviously only hitting that home run so you could get free cheeseburgers, it was still a nice game to watch. And hey, you also succeeded in managing to get the Central League playoffs completely the hell out of the Tokyo area! Nice going!

See you again tomorrow, Hatake. I'll be the one at the top of Section D with a towel wrapped around my head during your at-bats.

Love,

Deanna the Marinerd


Dear Yasushi Iihara:

The more I cheer for you, the worse you do. Why can't you go back to hitting home runs at every game I show up at in my #9 Iihara jersey? That was really sweet of you at the time and made me feel like my feelings were being reciprocated. Now I am feeling more and more like this is a one-sided relationship where I pour my adoration and support at you, and you just ground out or fly out or strike out. It makes me very sad. Can't you give a girl something to smile about?

No love,

Deanna the Marinerd