Monday, June 27, 2005

The Name Game Awards

The other day, as a joke, I said I was going to fill out my all-star ballot and go for the "worst names" team, just voting for whoever had the most annoying name to say, in a particular roster spot. Well, this inspired me to go through all the major league rosters and pick out some of the more interesting names of players... so, without further ado, let me give you the Name Game Awards:

The "Causes the Clubhouse Staff No End of Pain Assembling his Uniform" award goes to:

It's a tie! Between these National League long-named fools, all weighing in at 13 letters:

Todd Hollandsworth - Cubs
Tim Spooneybarger - Marlins
John Van Benschoten - Pirates

The "If I were an announcer I'd just hope this guy played all the time so I could say his name" award goes to:

1) Hiram Bocachica - Athletics

If you don't believe me, just say his name out loud a few times. Boca! Chica! Boca! Chica!

2) Jorge Cantu - Devil Rays

I swear, if I was an announcer I would continually make up Star Wars stories about some secret alien army commander named Cantu. Or maybe I'm just weird.

3) Marco Scutaro - Athletics

Not to pick on the A's twice, but between Scutaro and Durazo it's a tough choice. I personally think Erubiel Durazo has one of the most unique names in the league, but Scutaro wins out only because of this time where I was at the stadium and they were playing "Sussudio" on the loudspeakers, and I kept singing "Scu-scu-scutaro, whooah-oh!"

Coco Crisp and Milton Bradley get honorable mentions just because their names make me giggle. So would J. J. Putz, if it wasn't just so easy to make fun of him.

The "If I were an announcer, I'd go to the clubhouse and confirm this guy's name before ever saying it on the air" awards go to:

1) Mark Grudzielanek -- Well, at least they just shortened it to Grud, because that's sure as hell easier to say than Grud-zell-ON-eck.

2) Doug Mientkiewicz -- I can't decide whether it's more painful to watch people try to spell this name, or try to pronounce Mint-KAY-vitch.

3) Mark Teixeira -- Tay-SHARE-ah. I actually think this is a beautiful name, too, but for some reason people always say "Tex-ee-ra".

4) Rheal Cormier -- He's not really more cormy than you'd think, but is infact Ree-AL Core-mee-AY. Damn French.

5) Macier Izturis -- I've been told it's MY-sair Izz-TOUR-uss, but who knows.

6) Rob Mackowiak -- At first glance it looks like a MACK-oh-whack, but Mr. Muh-KOVE-ee-ack would beg to differ.

7) Yhency Brazoban -- Yeeek. I think it's YAN-see BRASS-oh-ban, but...

8) Yorvit Torrealba -- Surprisingly, his name is said the way it looks, but I'd never believe it without confirming it. Your-VEET Tour-ee-ALL-bah.

9) Scott Schoeneweis -- SHOW-en-weiss. Yet I'm not sure I've ever heard two announcers say it the same way.

10) Tanyon Sturtze -- Sturtze is one syllable, but you could have fooled a lot of people. They're probably the same people who think Foulke is more than one syllable.

Other fun ones:
Gagne -- GAHN-yay, not GAG-knee.
Nageotte -- Nah-ZHOT, not Nag-ee-OAT.
Pierzynski -- Peer-ZIN-ski, not hard to say, but hard to spell..
Ledee -- Not LEE-dee, Luh-DAY.
Duchscherer -- From the department of redundancy department, this man has backups of all the letters in his name.

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